Janet's blog

Didn't publish the previous month's draft till just now because it felt too much like unfinished business.  I talked to one of the Macmillan people after my appointment with Dr M last month, about that niggly  mind worm I was getting at pill time and we agreed that I was someone who tried to get on with things and tried not to get too anxious and tried not to think too much about the difficult side of all this and tried to do reasonably normal things and she said that this was hard work and took energy and I had a little weep and realised that the problem (or at least part of it) was that I'd got to a point where I no longer had a good view of 'the path ahead'.  The last thing had been getting on this trial and reaching a modus vivendi on the trial and learning to live with another astonishing bit of modern medicine, but I didn't know what came next and I hadn't asked the questions or if I had I'd forgotten the answers - all through the Covid times there...

 Another couple of easing-out-of-pandemic firsts to report: Public transport! A tube and train trip to South London and now a tube trip to the hospital. Why no cycling? South London was too far and today my left arm is below par. Why? Because I fell on my elbow on a slippery, muddy  bit of allotment road, wearing plastic clogs with no grip on the soles - mea culpa. No bruises, just v painful in the bit that you use to support yourself on the handlebars. A one-hour slot at the Photographers' Gallery! Very quick throughput at hospital today - the price was getting here for an 8:30am appointment. All is well, although everything was so quick that even the basic blood results hadn't come back when I saw Dr M. Last month's Ca125 was 8. I've been getting a bit of a niggly feeling taking the olaparib twice daily. With less nausea, or more acceptance of it, perhaps there's more head space for unwanted thoughts to creep in. The 9am and 9pm phone alarms, and the rattle of pil...