It's not fair

The surgical gynae oncologist echoed this when Christopher protested about my blameless life. It's not fair. This is a statement, not a protesting howl.

I reduced ovulations by carrying two and a bit children and breastfeeding two. I haven't had HRT (might have done if the GP had been less apathetic), I haven't had breast cancer and there's no breast cancer or ovarian cancer in my family, although there is a scattering of other cancers. I haven't had endometriosis or diabetes, haven't been much overweight, haven't smoked, haven't drunk much. I've been extremely boring. But if I'd been more exciting and hedonistic, I might have pegged out by 40.

I've been good(ish). I've felt guilty about neglecting my partner and children for work or the allotment.  I've volunteered as a school governor and for a bossy post on my allotments committee. I've looked after my parents closely in the last few years. My health antennae have been attuned outside my own body for a while now.

I have got older - that's the main culprit - 80% of ovarian cancers occur in women over 50. I will have been exposed to 60 years of cosmic rays, X-rays and everyday carcinogens. There might even have been an extra special carcinogen in one of the university labs or factories I once inspected. How much micro plastic is stored away in my tissues? In recent years, I've eaten a lot of very fresh asparagus.

In a complex environment, this was a probabilistic event, possibly even stochastic.

On this day last year, the apple blossom was out.





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