Post treatment - second cycle - Diary

It's looking like the first chemo cycle may not be a reliable guide for the second chemo cycle.

Day 2 - first day after chemo - I was awake at 5am, feeling sick, got my first pill down but when it was time to eat, couldn't get to a rice cake in time before I was sick. That was a fairly brief if energetic episode and I was then able to take on the rice cake (good tip from early pregnancy) and the next pills and recovered fairly quickly. In the afternoon (when Luke got up) we motored (we are enjoying our middle age) to Startops End and had a good lunch, then a little walk around the canal/reservoir, then an hour in Tring Natural History Museum looking at shiny beetles etc.

Then there was a bit more motoring up the hairpin bend to Ashridge Estate and a wander through the bluebell woods. They weren't at their best on a gloomy day, but it was still eye-opening to see the swathes of blue amongst the damp woods.

Day 3 - managed 5:30am before waking up feeling sick, got the pills down without vomiting, but felt sick for a fair bit of the  morning. Still, to take my mind off it, baked bread and lemon drizzle yogurt cake, roasted the last allotment pumpkin for a planned pumpkin risotto, prepared more sourdough and the spinach for spinakopitta in the evening, and made a broccoli and cambazola soup (creamier than broccoli and stilton). What you can achieve when you start early in the  morning!!! Still had enough energy to attend the allotment committee's spring meeting and do some blog writing, and no aches and pains as yet. Whoopee!

Day 4 - Unsurprisingly, there is a poisoned feeling that comes with these drugs. It's not like alcohol poisoning and it's not like food poisoning and it's not like codeine poisoning (I once did a pharmokinetics drug trial with codeine and was sick all morning). It's a new, strange and unusual feeling as if my very cells are sick - they probably are, and I probably feel like that because I know they act on a cellular level. Anyway, it had really kicked in by the evening.

Day 5 - worst day again. Last time it was aches and pains and fatigue. This time it's more the poisoned feeling but the result is the same - Destination sofa. Read Reservoir 13.  Feel more miserable than is rational about the accelerating loss of hair - sinkfuls at a time of dry and flyaway strands. They all get wetted and added to my pudding basin collection - is this morbid?

 










Day 6 - picking up - the poisoned feeling is lifting. Maddy headed back to Russia in the early morning and I managed to get up to wave her au revoir.  (Almost) finished a sewing project (more pin stick injuries), started reading Life and Fate, careful to spend proactive time on sofa. Found myself thinking how many psychological / physical insults it takes to  have a really crummy day. Day 5 was crummy and while. rationally, I think that losing my hair is one of the least of my worries, it definitely added to the low feeling. Today, I still feel sick, and I still have legs like lead and my hair is still getting exponentially thinner and thinner, but I don’t feel so cellularly poisoned, so overall I feel better. I have been sent a copy of a flow chart from the BMJ about factors around cancer and how they contribute to psychological states - interesting.

 

Hair bulletin: not good, although it is astonishing how much can come out for how long and still not actually leave you bald. But I will soon resemble Bill Bailey. It's not just that the hair is thin, but the follicles are sore as well, especially if hairs move against the 'nap' and this happens even if a light breeze ruffles the last straggly locks. And there's a distinct feeling of follicle morbidity - there's no spring of hair from the scalp, no bounce - instead it's flat and clings to my skull. Spoiler alert: scarves are about to become de rigeur in daytime, with a sleep cap at night (think Smurfs) otherwise those follicles shout out every time I move my head on the pillow. Am about to spend several moody web sessions looking for hats, caps, sunhats - could this be the moment when I finally learn how to crochet to make myself something stylish, maybe with beads... Overall, I just end up thinking that headgear is something you really want to try on first - whatever happened to hat shops?!

Day 7 - walked the dog to the clippers - about 12 minutes each way with a bit of uphill on the way back which necessitated a lie-down afterwards. First resort to wearing a headscarf in public as I really, really, really didn't want anyone to see my bare scalp showing through the remaining thin covering. Sudden sympathy with men with male pattern baldness.

Day 8 - 2 hours on the sofa in the afternoon, but fairly productive/social otherwise.

Day 9, 10, 11 - Bank Holiday weekend. Lots of time at allotment with lots of help from friends (thank you, thank you!) Had started to despair a bit about keeping on top of it now the weeds are really going  for it, but it's going to be OK!

Day 12 - went down to the Cancer Centre to pick up my wig - short and sort of rough cut in coppery brown. Still think it might be a bit hot... Stayed on afterwards for my first Creative Word session which was good fun. Most of the other  people seemed to be further down the road than I am, so they were ready when I choked up and was unable to read my attempt at the second exercise. I don't think the session is directly intended as therapy, but it must creep in - the theme was bridges and I ended up writing what looked suspiciously like a prayer, albeit to the hospital team rather than a deity. Oh dear oh dear.

Day 13 - Hair bulletin: Pretty much bald on top and back. Look like Bill Bailey. Hatching a  plan for the pudding basin hair collection to be ritually scattered amongst my compost heaps once it is complete ... or perhaps buried at the roots of the beans... (slow release source of nitrogen).
Maddy dug out her scarves for me when she left and this  morning I arranged hers and mine together on her vacated bed in shape/size v. colour order. Conclude that between us, we have too many scarves.